1. Not old. Vintage. :)

Bit of bad news, my old friend Bob died this morning.

Discussion in 'SIG: General Chat' started by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine, Apr 21, 2020.

  1. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
    Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine

    Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine Deckhand

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    As most people know my old mate Bob who was a bit older at 73 was very ill with dementia, failing liver, sepsis, heart condition and diabetes, I looked after him after his wife died back in early 2000 but when the dementia set in me and my wife took over looking after him pretty much full time. Sadly at 3am he passed on or as he would think of it, escaped, he didn't like being in the home, he wanted back to his flat but I could not offer that much time, plus he became incontinent so he was assessed and put in a home.

    To be honest I was expecting this a lot sooner, he seemed to catch his breath so to speak and was doing so well despite all this and the ladies in the care home loved him, he was a naughty old rogue.

    Poor Andy had the same sort of thing with a family friend him and his wife looked after.

    I'm a bit sad but the Bob I knew had gone a while back and despite trying to keep up a cheery state he was really unhappy where he was and tried to 'escape' numerous times, hence me saying he has escaped.

    Rest in peace Bob, hopefully there's some sort of place where Sue (his wife) is, his brother Bernard and my own Mum who loved Bob and Sue can relax in perfect health and peace of mind.

    Paul.
     
  2. by Vyper68
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    Sorry to hear this about Bob, hopefully he is reunited with his beloved wife Sue in a place where he has none of the problems that affected him in later life.
    R.I.P Bob
     
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  3. by Andy Barr
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    Mate,

    Our hearts go out to you, Cindy and family plus of course all Bob's remaining family and friends.

    You have given me many a report on the 'old rogue' indeed and from what I can tell, he was always a great and close mate of yours until this awful dementia took a worsening hold and then made him unable to recognise you guys any more which of course pains us all to hear and for you personally, like you say, Paul, made it feel like you lost him a while back...

    Bev and I send our most sincere condolences, buddy - he will never be forgotten in your hearts, of that I am sure.

    Here's the lovely guy who we used to look after who we lost a year last December but his spirit, voice and incredible personality, humour and love for animals will always stay in our hearts...

    God bless you, Bob. You had a great innings - not bad at all at 73, fella.

    God bless you, Peter... (just had this printed of him admiring his own art collection in his 'castle' which he never wanted to leave for the hospital wards either... and you can't blame the old rogues either...I mean, who would?)

    upload_2020-4-21_11-47-47.png

    ABOVE: The one and only Peter Butler (82), admiring his collection of art, ornaments and books in his study.

    BELOW: Our lasting connection with Peter is his cat, Zorro, who we look after now and who is currently sunbathing, under the table where the pic was taken...

    upload_2020-4-21_11-49-59.png

    Bless em all, mate.

    Sad news but it would have been sadder to hear that he was suffering with a life that he didn't recognise any more.
     
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  4. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
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    Thanks guys, he was a friend of around 40yrs, him and Sue had a heart of gold and helped us many times, be it with pots and pans, a meal out or paying a bill for us when we were desperate. In fact he left me all his household contents, even gave me his car when he was stopped from driving and my daughter is using the very laptop he left us, its what he wanted. (just to be clear, me and his nephew had to clear his flat out a few months back because he was in a home so that's why I have the lap top etc, I didn't just run around to grab it this morning.)

    Like Peter he was a very proud man, the dementia took so much of that away when he started to be incontinent, suddenly he was dependent on strangers, that he hated, before that I did everything for him, had skype automated along with TeamViewer so I could keep and eye on him and he always had me on the other end.

    He wanted out of that home and he truly has 'escaped' it now which is what he wanted...
     
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  5. by Andy Barr
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    Absolutely, Paul.

    I do recall you telling me all this about the work you and Bob's nephew did and it's essential, poignant and at times a bit emotional clearing out a friend's life but it has to be done - life does go on.

    In Peter's case, the landlord instructed us to do it and furthermore told us that if we didn't shift it within a certain timescale then he would charge an extra month's rent to Peter's estate if we over-ran by even a day - how kind of him, eh?

    Never mind.

    Bob would definitely have wanted you and your family and his nephew to have made good use of anything and everything you possibly could, Paul as it would have broken his heart to see it all skipped.

    With us, Peter owned something like 100-200 framed pictures in his 3 storey rented house, so after we gave away approx 50-100 to friends, neighbours and the like (he had no family), the rest were stacked outside his house on the street for passers-by to help themselves... and they did in their droves. It must have been the biggest, quickest "instant art sale" in Hull history but at least hardly any of it got binned - it all managed to find a new and grateful home.

    What better way to 'recycle' these great works (and Peter's memories) than to spread the joy around the neighbourhood so so many got the benefit rather the few at the tip.

    A super, eccentric (if I remember some of the gear he had hoarded?!) and memorable, decent, upstanding and friendly fella was old Bob - and that for me is admirable as so many of these qualities are so hard to fine these days.

    Take good care, folks, and I'll raise a wee glass of whisky tonight with Bev to remember dear Bob by, Paul.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2020
  6. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
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    Its all a bit weird with Bob and his nephews, their mum screwed Bob over for the share in a house and he just broke away from them, I brought them back in as his dementia got worse as they were just kids when this happened but I was shocked when David asked me on my 2nd ever conversation if I could get him on Bob's will.

    Naturally I said NO and it could not have happened as Bob was beyond making a judgement like that by now, also Bob had told me that he wanted his money to go to charities and could I make sure it happened (which I will and have). I later found out that Bob had left all his goods to me and Cindy and even allotted 2K for us which was a total surprise, he had already been ultra kind to us, I wasn't after a thing from him in all honesty, him and Sue were best friends, that was more than enough for me and Cindy.

    I miss our old chats we had daily, loads of jokey abuse both ways but if either of us had a problem then nothing was too much trouble to sort it. Sadly the chats stopped a while back and he had been struggling to to string sentences together for a while, basically I would speak ahead for him so he didn't have to struggle, I guess it says how well I knew him, I could finish what he was saying and he appreciated that as it was a clear problem with communication.

    Just spent the afternoon trying to contact his old friends but because he was 15 years older than me most of his mates are either gone or suffering like he was, so far its one person (his ex neighbour) I've got through to.

    I really hope there's a place where the souls go, I'm not religious as people know but with the way we evolved I sort of hope that there's some was our energy goes on to something else. Call it heaven if you like, Bob always said that he didn't want all that, when he was dead that was it for him, he had done enough...

    Well his suffering is done and he's escaped the home, well done Bob me old mate...Jobs a good 'un..
     
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  7. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
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    Just a last update, Bob was cremated today in Andover, Hampshire. All very low key with only 10 people allowed, no pall bears allowed, just 3 songs and a reading of his life which basically had to be written entirely by me because his nephews knew very little about him. Still it all went well, everyone seemed happy with it and I got treated like a saint by the family who simply could not stop thanking me for looking after him.

    I think Bob would have liked a knee's up but that's not my scene and social distancing (you know that thing my neighbour thinks does not apply to her (out again tonight as she was last night and the night before but sadly returned at 11:30 smashing around.)).

    Well Bob got his send off and lets hope he's in a better place, he deserves to be..
     
  8. by Andy Barr
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    Nice one, Paul.

    You did Bob proud and ensured all was carried out to the letter in memory of a great friend of yours.

    No wonder those nephews were grateful to you - you and Bob were the real deal.

    Well done once more for seeing Bob's last hurrah through despite all the challenges in your way, mate.

    A hot toddy tonight in Bob's honour... farewell fine fella.
     
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  9. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
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    I have just done what I have promised with just one event to do and that is the spreading of the ashes where Sue, his wife was spread, that was the most important part that he made me swear to do which I will of course do 100% to make it happen but I will not be getting the ashes and at the moment your are banned from spreading them so this is all in the future.

    The day was lovely, the driving was so easy across big roads that are normally a standstill (A40, M25 and M3), no jams anywhere. Was also nice to get away from the idiots above but they decided to not come home so there was no noise (YES!!!) but Cindy was waylaid by here family and now they are trying to get out of helping with the phone bill as we don't use the phone, I can skype people but I have no one on my list now and may mate Tony is the only person I chat with on a regular basis and he phones from work or rings me back because he gets free mins, so we spend zero on the phone. My bill is 39.99 for phone and fibre and its normally rare for the bill to be more than 50p over that yet when we started not being able to go there and use their phone to sort stuff out my bill is 70-90 a month which we show them. Now its "well you use the phone too" and "well we have no money" which is a laugh as they both get PIP and other payments which WE sorted out and maintain. And they have no vices, no smoking, drinking or going out with only Sharon ordering obscene amounts of very expensive cosmetics as part of the madness and yet she won't leave the house, who is all this make up for??

    Add to that they promised to help with Serena's Uni, not now, and we have to get 500.00 to paydown as deposit for the accomodation near the Uni she will be going to (eventually) so that is going to have to come out of the little inheritance which we wanted to use for those really bad rainy days and for any bits she may need before.

    So that's a quarter of what I have been awarded gone.

    It just means some belt tightening and SOD them...Its not in my nature to turn my back on anyone but I can't pay for their bills and get promises broken which they can afford to keep. All this while we do all the hard work for them.

    Anyway, I've groaned enough, the day was good, Bob got a good send off as said, I got to say goodbye to him, maybe he's having the time of his life now, I really hope so.

    No toddy for me (had to look up what it was) guts are in pieces with worry about Serena being out in the real world because of the hardship she's had but I have to step back and not interfere..Just a soft old Dad, always caring too much..
     
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  10. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
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    Spot the scruffy git.....

    Sorry, not worn a suit in years, don't need one for one day and as me and bob were scruffs he would have wanted me looking like a tramp :)

    [​IMG]
     
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  11. by Andy Barr
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    Hey, you don't look three bad, Paul.

    You've scrubbed up fine and like you say - you and Bob liked casual so you stuck to the script and everyone will appreciate more the fact that you cared, were there and ruddy wrote the eulogy which is the key part of the send-off... that and a hot toddy or a pint or four which I know you can't indulge in cos of your health concerns, so in other words, you did everything you possibly could and then some.

    It's great to hear that you've also been entrusted with the ashes part of Bob's final mission - all in good time - to complete his wish to be reunited with his beloved Sue. You know what it really meant to him so no-one is better placed to see this through good and proper, mate.

    It's funny, when you mentioned his nephews attending, as I was expecting, in my minds' eye, some spotty, gangly, juvenile youths in badly fitting suits which made them look like something off a police line-up parade. Nothing of the sort, of course. You all look most distinguished and very respectful and you all did Bob proud, you fine folks.

    I hope life improves on the nuisance neighbour and family finance fronts, Paul.

    We've all got our problems and I sincerely hope yours soon fade away as you can do without those worries.

    Bev's back in bed this end (her COVID-backed head cold has returned), my back's flaring up in spasms from time to time (my own stupid fault for falling down stairs) and we've just heard that our lovely near neighbour Jean finally succumbed to liver cancer in the early hours so we've had a few tears this end as this lady was another of those wonderful people who never showed any signs of their own discomfort but rather always smiled and asked after you and yours. A lovely, fun-loving, smiling, sociable sweet woman, wife and mother whom we had only recently got to know but my word, she left her selfless mark, love for life and we'll never forget her.

    Take care all and be there for your special ones as I know you will.
     
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  12. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
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    Sadly I didn't get the ashes but I'll make the spreading happen..

    Sorry to hear Bev and you are in the wars, my neighbours have just return but are being 'better and slightly less noisy but the evening time is when they will either be ok or not.

    Money does not mean much to me, all I care is my family being ok and thanks to Bob, Serena will as long as the Uni reopens get her chance, as much as I worry I need her to show her potential.

    The in laws will get read the riot act, especially Sharon who is living off her mum despite getting good money.

    Anyway, Bob has played his part , I owe a lot to him...
     
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  13. by M.D.Baker
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    casual dress, sure, but far from a Tramp. I don't own a suit anymore either, since mine were stolen from my storage in Texas, and I have no place to wear one anymore, anyway, except funerals or church, which I rarely go anyway, and these days dressing casual like you Paul is the norm in Protestant churches.
     
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  14. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
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    I know Bob would have not wanted me to waste his inheritance money on an item I wear once, its not common sense or logical. In fact I know he saw things like funerals as pointless and did it just because he didn't want to trouble me with any hassle there. He presumed (rightly) that I would handle all that when it happened and made sure of what he could that it was prepared beforehand. So I got some jeans and a tee shirt and attended, the others especially the guy and lady in the middle live in a 1.5million pound house, he's an ex arms contractor from the military who also runs a Karate school as a side line. They are really nice people and good luck to them.
     
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  15. by Andy Barr
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    You meet all sorts in this life - and at the end of it, fella.

    Wow - I've never met an arms contractor.

    My grandad's brother was an undercover agent who worked out of Hull docks on trawlers throughout the Cold War.

    His cover story was working as a bog-standard wireless operator but he did more than send the odd bit of morse code and check the shipping forecast. Being into electrical bits and bobs, he was also one of the 1st blokes to do homemade wedding videos, as a sideline, which he filmed and edited in the early days of huge whacking great betamax camcorders and home recording studios and what have you.

    I bet some of his films made for exciting viewing if you suddenly got Soviet subs popping up halfway through your wedding speeches!!
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2020
  16. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
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    That's a cracking story, love it.

    Yeah the guy in the middle is /was an arms contractor in the aviation sector, he talks about some stuff but can't about other stuff which I understand. I did get one thing out of him re ufo's, the pilots have seen them and one pilot said they were flying 2 deep in formation and this oval craft came between the planes, sat there for a few secs and then took off ahead at incredible speed.

    No ports for engine, just a dull silver oval with the pointy part horizontal.

    All he would say that it wasn't tech he had seen before or since. Although he did say he had spoken to quite a few pilots over the years with stories off strange craft buzzing them.

    As I have seen some of his work and his education certs I can see he's genuine. He would not tell me his clearance level apart from saying that he has one. I'll work on him
     
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