1. Not old. Vintage. :)

Old map of my area that I moan about :)

Discussion in 'SIG: Books and Movies' started by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine, Apr 1, 2020.

  1. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
    Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine

    Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine Chief Officer

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    The map has slightly changed since with some new houses but in the most its the same with the same black spots :)

    The grass and the tree's are lovely, the other stuff, not so much :)

    The bypass comment is about a guy who was a locksmith, he was an odd guy :)#

    SHagging alley is now a row of houses that has locally been renamed Baghdad as all the houses are occupied by very very extreme Muslims who make themselves very unliked by their attitude to people.

    The rapist is now out of prison and still lives there. Head but the baby, a lovely guy who we heard his missus scream "Don't head butt the baby" (honestly) have moved on.
  2. by Andy Barr
    Andy Barr

    Andy Barr Chief Officer

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    This is one helluva des res area, buddy and you "sell" it well.

    I'm intrigued by many of these zones and characters that you describe so eloquently:

    - pray, tell more about "Headbutt the baby" - why is he not in H.M.P. and how did the nudist (maybe he's a misunderstood naturist... or naturalist?!) get the nickname "Bypass" - was he born on one or maybe masturbates along one?

    I can tell you were once an estate agent, Paul, as you've just got that "I'm able to sell sand to the arabs" patter off to a tee.

    I wanna move in to this area in order to lower the tone - you southerners always get the best deals/land/houses etc and I'm going pile in and show you some northern tat, mister - I've got more Orics than you guys have got Korans down the former Shagging Alley!


  3. by Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine
    Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine

    Paul "Mclaneinc" Irvine Chief Officer

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    I'm seriously not joking about the places on that map, in fact since then another body turned up on the field near the bottom of the page, a Polish guy, had his hands tied. One of the estate lads found him and he called the Police, they asked him to check if he's dead...Ghoulish or what, he refused and I can't blame him.

    As said, head butt the baby were a real family who were epic drunks and druggies, they used to come in at 1am and start fighting and smash the place up, not so good as I was the other side of the wall. They then had a child (I think she had one before but it was taken off her) but the fights still went on and then one night off they go screaming at each other because she was 'putting it about' and then the scream we will never forget..."Don't head butt the baby" at which point I called the old bill, the cops were here in a minute...Suddenly they vanished.

    In the same block we got a very young family but after initially moving in it became clear they were as chavvy as hell and then the drug parties started where there would be 50 - 60 people in their flat at in the early hours screaming and smashing their bottle on the ground below. The flat in our block level with them was screaming to shut up and stop the party but the bloke in the house was hiding behind his missus and letting her get all the flack so I came out in a tee shirt and under pants and got them to turn their attention on me instead as she was getting badly threatened. So I've got 50 - 60 young people screaming at me, spitting down and I'm saying to them to come down and try spitting then, I didn't get a taker which I presume was because I'm standing there with my ball bag almost showing. The next day I went up to their flat and the girl who lived there greeted me with her hand stretched out like I was supposed to kiss it like the queen. Needless to say I declined as she was one hell of a skank but she apologised re the party. Sadly they continued on being idiots until one night when one of their mate robbed them of a fiver and they took him over to the play park, stripped him and started stabbing him with forks (honest) The old bill arrived finding some poor fecker pouring blood from hundreds of holes all over him. He lived but the council took the flat off them.

    Such choice people...

    The rapist who no one knew what he was at the time had a step daughter who Serena played with, Serena would sometimes do sleep overs with the girl and a couple of mates as kids do, it chilled our bones when we found out he was a rapist and the girls had stayed in his house a few times. Still remember the day the old bill turned up in force and took him away, turns out they found his DNA on the young girl whose flat he had broken in to at night. He was released a couple of years back but ended up back in there for GBH but now he's out and in the flat.

    Its a mad area, we even had the first of the preparing for acts of terror people living here, he was a ginger white bloke, a convert and him and his mate used to go past my window all day, turns out they were drug dealers as well but they did it all dressed up in prayer gear.

    Very desirable area, you can tell, people arrive and usually end up being assaulted within a few weeks. Its really annoying as when we were offered the flat we came on a summers day, it was super quiet, they were Robins in the bushes and an escaped set of green parakeets flying from tree to tree across the fields, it was actually lovely...

    You still get days when you just hear the birds and the tree's but they are few and far between. usually its screaming women, kids and Police sirens and India 9-9 flying above looking for wrong 'uns..

    So, when are you all moving here!
    Andy Barr likes this.
  4. by Andy Barr
    Andy Barr

    Andy Barr Chief Officer

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    Utter bliss.

    I make a request for Neighbourhood by Space for Mr Paul - he deserves a knighthood living in his particular neighbourhood.

    God, it would be funny if it weren't real - I'm sure they could make SEVERAL action feature fillms/ Die Hards in your zone, fella?!

    ABOVE - ONLY TO BE PLAYED EXTREMELY LOUD for the benefit of your...

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